• Stress

• Being intentional with time

• Communication and managing expectations

• Changes and transitions in ministry

• Work/Life balance (especially with children)

• Demands that come with ministry

• Finances

• Being emotionally/physically spent from the day at church

• Staying focused

9. What are some things you do to defend your marriage from the demands of ministry?

• Setting boundaries

• Date nights

• Communication (not just about work)

• Dinner most nights with family

• Vacations

• Time management

• Certain days off a week for family time and/or one straight month off a year

• Putting phone away during family time/silence phone at night

• Prayer

• Talking to elders about my marriage

• Prioritize my spouse’s needs first

• If there is a need off the clock I ask my spouse’s permission if I feel I need to respond

• Manage expectations around holidays

10. What is your best marriage advice on resolving conflict?

• Quick to listen, slow to speak, even quicker to repent

• Think the best and don’t assume the worst

• Don’t go to bed angry

• Work on you, the spouse you can control

• Foster a healthy decision-making process and create a healthy space for conversation

• Remember you have an enemy, and it isn’t either of you

• Fight for resolution instead of fighting to win the conflict

• Focus on your spouse’s heart (affirming their values) before trying to settle the

  disagreement

• Show humility

• Ask the Lord to give you strength and grace

• If you’re angry and can’t talk it out right then, do an act of service for them to help soften

  your heart. Don’t move forward until you can make a decision together

• Get help when conflict lasts more than a week

• Keep things open and honest and don’t assume your spouse can read your mind

• Time outs when things get heated, then reflect on what was being said by you and your spouse

• Make a commitment to have sex following a good argument

• Emotionally Focused Therapy – like in the book Hold Me Tight

11. What advice do you have for couples who work together in the ministry?

• Time at the church is not equivalent to time spent together

• Set boundaries

• Read a book called The Emotionally Healthy Leader

• Give grace and allow them to minister in their own giftedness, not yours

• Communicate expectations and commitments clearly

• Find ways to be “off the clock” alone and together

• You can’t win ministry if you’re failing in marriage, don’t put ministry above marriage

• Create some space to experience life and make friends outside the ministry bubble

• Agree to avoid shop talk at home. Keep work at work

• Make sure you KNOW you are called to do ministry and pray together often

12. What advice do you have for couples who do not work together in the ministry?

• Be intentional in planning time away from the demands of the church

• Guard the expectations that others have of your spouse

• Be transparent with the church about the primacy of your marriage

• Make your spouse feel part of your ministry

• Find appropriate ways to vent but make sure venting isn’t the only thing your spouse hears

  about certain people

• Invest in relationships with your leaders and their families together

• Realize and own that the pastor will be able to give less time to the church (1 Cor. 7) and

  that is not a bad thing. It is an opportunity to welcome others into leadership

• Ministry is a job, not more important than your family and is not to be used as an excuse

  for neglecting one another

• Value the spouse and their non-ministry work

• Learn each other’s love language and inject humor into your relationship

13. If you could rewind your tape to when you were first married and working in ministry, what advice would you give yourself?

• Listen more to my wife and follow her intuition

• Be more firm in setting and sticking to boundaries

• Be sacrificial in your love, let your spouse know they are your priority

• Pray more and be more patient

• Develop hobbies and mutual interests together

• Lower expectations of your spouse. She shouldn’t be expected to be a staff member if she

  isn’t called. Her job is to be a good wife, mother, and church member, in that order

• Take two days off a week. One for traditional “Sabbath” and one for family day

• Family comes first. Kids are only young once. Much of what we call important ministry can wait

• View it from a long-term perspective. Do things that will allow you to sustain it for the long haul

• Help my spouse more with chores and have more quality time with our children

• Have a wise, seasoned couple outside the church to speak into your life frequently

14. Share any other thoughts, advice, or ideas on this topic.

• Share the best locations for ministry couples to get away on a ministry budget

• Prepare for the transitions of ministry through the years

• How do you best navigate those years with young kids where everyone is vying for your

  time?

• Marriage over kids and over ministry

• You need other couples to laugh with who understand your unique demands in ministry

• Try to out serve each other. Treat each other like you would treat someone you were trying

  to impress on a date

• Don’t be afraid to seek counseling. Keep Your Love On by Danny Silk is a powerful resource

• Let your spouse check your schedule, if it starts to look overwhelming then they can step in

• Guard, value and pray over your marriage and study the word together